The Honey Bee
by Miklusca
Summary: Humrous bit about how Cloud, Cid, Vincent, Barret and Sephiroth try to get into the whore house Honey Bee in Midgar. Somewhat AU, the town wasn't destroyed in here.


The Honey Bee Author: Miklusca Rating: R Warning: Language, and vulgar talk.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7 Feedback: YESSSS!  
Summary: Humrous bit about how Cloud, Cid, Vincent, Barret and Sephiroth try to get into the whore house Honey Bee in Midgar. Somewhat AU, the town wasn't destroyed in here.

In the city of Midgair there was a group of 5 men on a quest to get laid. They were on their way to the Honey Bee whore house. There was the spikey dude Cloud, Cid the flyer and smoker of many kinds of cigarettes. Vincent the vampire goth man, Barret the only black guy in the group who was huge and a gun for a arm. Las the psycotic Sephiroth who came back just to get a peice...and kill again.

They were recommended to go to the Honey Bee because the whores are cheap, beautiful and willing to do anything. ANYTHING! Best of all they have both male and female lovilies selling thier bodies. "Man how long until we get there? I'm not smoking these for my fucking heatlh!" Cid threw a cig behind them, catching a flower bed aflame and Cloud sighed. "I don't know, I'm just following the map. I mean it should be right, the kids dad goes there every day." He said.

They continued on their way, restraining Sephrioth not to kill people that were 'in their way'. So instead they beat them up and stole their money. Barret growled after they went around in circles 4 times. "Yo! Give me that god damn map!" He looked at it and it looked like and alien wrote it. He handed it to Vincent who had sweat drop. "We have to go into the market place and take a right. It's as plan as day." He said with a flick of his cape and rolling his eyes.

They turned to the right direction and walked. When they entered the market place Cid and Barret ran to the bar and the rest followed. "Yeah I want whisky the strongest you have pussies!" Barret pointed his gun arm at the bar tender an dhe brought out a shot gun. Barret pulled his arm away. "I'm not holding you up yo fool! I'm trying to say 1!"

The bar tender gave him his drink and caressed his gun. "I'll have a vodka al the way!" Cid blew smoke and drank his drink in one swallow. "Come on you guys! I want pussy! OR ass!" Sephrioth foamed. "Or at least let me kill someone! Maybe a peice from Cloud will tide me over." He gazed and Cloud shook his spikey head, putting a hand on his crystal sword. "Don't touch me sick pervert! If we don't get any at the Honey Bee then you can get a peice of me." 

Everyone stopped and stared at them. "Okay, I think we should be on our way." Vincent said and they dragged out the two boozers. "Come on God damn it!" Cloud yelled and they kicked the ground like children in trouble. So they finally went on thier way. When they arrived the place was glowing and they bowed finally getting to thier Mecca. They went to the guy at the door. "Yes, could we come in? We have money." Cloud said. 

The man looked at them up and down. "You all look like creeps! Get the hell away!" Cid had a stick of dynamite ready to light. "Let us in or you'll be nothing but gumbo!" The man smirked. "Go ahead. I'm a robot." Cid turned to the others. "Damn, foiled again!" The others stared at him with small eyes and Sephrioth took his sword out. "Time to die!"

The guy at the door took out a huge samari sword and they had voice overs. "You cannot defeat me haha!" Sephroith squinted at the door man and flipped on the staires like he was on strings. "We will get laid haha!" He said, thier swords clashed for about 5 minutes until they flew apart.

The door guy panted. "You are mighty strong and full of sword wisdom! You may enter!" As they were entering Cid shoved a lit stick of dynamite up the door guys ass. When the door closed the explosion went off and the light could be seen from the window. "Ok, now onto the ladies! Men for Cloud and Sephriouth." Barret said and got backhanded by Cloud. "Shut up bitch or i'll go psycho on your ass!"

Barret cringed and eeped. When they went to the ladies and men they had a perfect blend. American, Japanese, you name it they had it. Vincent just sat as the others drooled and Sephrioth hugged his sword with heart eyes. "I think Sephrioth is gone." Vincent said looking at the blank faced man and shook his head. Sephrioth stopped and looked at all the prostitutes. "Hojo? Your a whore now?" The scientist looked in shame.

"Dad you're too old now go." Sephrioth pointed his sword to the door and he left with his head down. Now Cloud's eyes bugged out. "Ma? You told me you would stop this! Also you told me you were dead!" His mother in halter top and hooker boots walked up to him. "I know son, but I just want a little excitment." Her eyes fell on Sephrioth. "It's you! You bastard!" Cloud was utterly confused. "You two know each other?" His mom bowed her head in shame.

"Yes, from a long time ago. Cloud, Sephrioth is your father." Sephrioth and Cloud looked at each other, then fell over. After recovering Cloud retched. "EWWWW! And he wanted to screw me!" His mom spotted Cid. "Cloud or your father could be Cid." Cloud stared at the harpoon man who was laughing. "Yeah! I banged her good!" Cloud glared and brought out his crystal sword. "Who is it? Which one?" Cloud pointed. She thought for a moment. "Now that I think about it, the mail man was the closes to when I became pregnant." 

"Jesus Christ mom! How many guys have you fucked?" Clouds eyes bulged. She paused and brought out a huge book. "Well about 4,775." Cloud's eyes basically exploded. "Mom!" Her beeper buzzed and she ws off. Sephrioth came up to him. "I'm not your damn father. She raped me! I was drunk and passed out. Besides, that was 2 years before you were born and I don't screw my children!"

Cloud sighed and a man came in. "Ok, point out which one you want." Cid picked a girl of 18, Barret a small spanish woman, Cloud and Sephrioth just picked whatever and Vincent just picked a red head. They went in their rooms and 30 minutes later they ran out of the rooms, some screaming. "She was a he! A drag queen!" Cid yelled and Barret was smoking. "I'm done." Vincent spat on the floor. "A vegatarian again. Bleh!" 

Sephrioth was pouting. "He died on me, the selfish ass!" Cloud just groaned. "Mine was a robot! I feel so defiled." Vincent stared at him. "Well, why didn't you come out sooner?" Cloud zipped up his pants. "I wanted to finish." Vincent sighed --. "You guys are stupid. Man all you guys need to shot!" He shook his head and Sephrioth patted Clouds ass. "Well come on Spikey! I know you won't die on me!"

Cloud rolls his eyes. "Fine, but only if you promise not to try to destroy the world." Sephrioth thought for hours and finally. "Ok. I promise, now lets get it on!" He jumped Cloud right there and they all watched eating chicken and smoking crystal meth. "Yeah fuck that spikey bitch!" Cid screamed. They all cheered on even after they were done. This ends their journey to The Honey Bee.

The End 


End file.
